Escape...

Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to think through life. I could have a quiet, numbed existence. Someone else could do the living for me. Tell me what decisions to make. Rid me of responsibility. Somebody else’s mind and soul would do the steering for me; I would just be the vessel.

Sigh.

I think I will switch to autopilot for a bit.

The Bubble

POP

Burst my bubble

ECH

Yelled I

WHOOSH

Flowed the emotions

SOB

Cried I

WHACK

Went my best friend

PHOOEY

She scolded

ZOOM

Went my heart for the hundredth time

CRASH

I tumbled, onto my emotional self

SIGH

Groaned my best friend ‘repair yourself’

ZIP

Went my mind- creating a bubble

WATCH OUT

Warned she- stay away from the needle

The Soothsayer

“Spin me a story soothsayer,” said I,

“One with magic, fairies and other such toddler lies”

“Take me on a journey of far far away lands;

And forsee what Fate holds in her hands.”

This doe-eyed young girl wants to hear it all-

About princes in shining armor and Alice’s fall

Tell me about the Lost Children and Peter Pan

Does Captain Hook succeed in his evil plan?

“Oh, Soothsayer;” said I “use your magic eye

Leave me in rapture with your magical lies.”

Laughed the Soothsayer and smiled,

Said he, “Oh my innocent child,

Stories of good and evil I shall spin,

Tell you about giants, dwarfs and other kin;

But remember my child

Don’t be angry when you find out about the lies.”

“Soothsayer, are you there?

I need answers and I am in despair!”

“Will I be pretty, will I be fair?

When will I be rid of these zits and bad hair?”

“Does the boy next door like me?

Ask me to the prom. Will he? Why do my parents embarrass me?”

I wish I were in Neverland

Where are those adventures you promised me?

With enticing words and a wave of your hand.

“Hahaha,” bellowed the Soothsayer

You have but grown into a teenager,

Lost and confused,

Angry and rebellious;

Open your eyes

And magic you shall find.

“Soothsayer, I am disappointed in your lies

Life didn’t turn out the way I hoped it might.”

Struggle and toil

Deception and plans foiled

This wasn’t your prediction,

I am angry that your stories are just fiction

“Where are my promised mystical adventures?

The handsome prince, my savior?

Is this hopelessness what my future really held?

Weren’t you able to correctly foretell?”

The wise Soothsayer replied, “You seem to be in a crisis my grown child,

I had forewarned you not to be angry with the lies;

Your innocence you have lost,

Getting caught up in the game of life at all cost;

Look into your heart, feel with your soul

The magic you will find and you can take control.

“Spin me a story Soothsayer,” said I,

“One with magic, fairies and other such old fashioned lies”

Refresh my memory of the future past;

This misty-eyed old woman wants the magic to last-

The stories of giants and dwarfs and their kin

I was caught up in life and I don’t quite remember the ending

Oh how could I have forgotten these wonderful lies?

After all their truth I did find in my life.

“Oh, Soothsayer,” said I “use your magic eye

Maybe it ends differently this time?

Seasons of The Self

I am a speck of dust in the whirling winds of a tornado,

I am a glob of molten lava from an angry spewing volcano,

I am a drop in the vicious downpour of a thunderstorm,

I am a flame in a roaring fire engulfing all;

I am chaotic and torn.

I am the sole cloud floating lazily in a clear blue sky

I am the petal on a blooming tender orchid

I am the gentle ripple in the placid waters of a lake

I am the musical note in a soothing overture

I am calm and whole.

These are my seasons. My self made symphony.

Lullaby

everything's gonna be alright...rockabye, rockabye.

sounds familiar? ...that's the chorus to Shawn Mullins Lullaby.

it's a song I sing to myself, in my head over and over again when I'm feeling sad.
With my own encouraging tune playing in my head I tune out the rest of the world. The worries, the humdrum, the people ...everything seems like I'm looking at it through a telescope, into a distant galaxy.

And when i've had my music therapy I'm ready to think things through, resolve the issues...feel the smile coming on again and then its a whole different song and tune for me and my world.

This morning was one of those moments. But its alright now...it always is in the end :)

sundry

"We Will Become Silhouettes"

as I lay in my bath tub, soaking every inch of my naked body in hot water, my flesh tingled, the warmth enveloped me, I felt all my muscles relax, the spinning in my head came to a still, i felt my lips hum a tune and it all happened to this song below...

THE POSTAL SERVICE LYRICS

"We Will Become Silhouettes"

I've got a cupboard with cans of food, filtered water,
And pictures of you and i'm not coming out
Until this is all over
And i'm looking through the glass where the light bends
At the cracks
And i'm screaming at the top of my lungs pretending
The echoes belong to someone
Someone i used to know

And we become silhouettes when our bodies finally go
Ba ba ba...

I wanted to walk through the empty streets
And feel something constant under my feet,
But all the news reports recommended that
I stay indoors
Because the air outside will make our cells
Divide at an alarming rate until our shells
Simply cannot hold all our insides in,
And that's when we'll explode
(and it won't be a pretty sight)

And we'll become silhouettes when our bodies finally go
Ba ba ba...
And we'll become silhouettes when our bodies finally go
Ba ba ba...
And we'll become silhouettes when our bodies finally go
Ba ba ba...
And we'll become silhouettes when our bodies finally go
Ba ba ba...

And we'll become
And we'll become

Babe Support

alrite so I've had enough !!
enough of those lecherous stares, indecent proposals (no i do not want to $@&*$@ you right here right now or EVER !) , whistles and hoots, 'whats yar name pliz', 'hunny lemme get you a drink ( are you sure you can make it out of your drunken drug induced comatose state to order me one?).

today as I walked back home through one of the dingy dark alleyways I was rudely jolted out of my reverie by an uncouth young man, who had taken the liberty to inch his way next to me and scream into my ear 'hi babe. wanna get it on." I got a crazed look in my eyes as I stared horrified at this expressionless man (yes . it was weird. but he had no expression. no lust. no evil. no lopsided smile. just a blank). my eyes darted up and down the alley way. Not a soul in sight. No one would even hear me scream. This is when the parasympathetic nervous system takes over for our fright and flight reaction...you either use it or lose it...I took giant strides towards the light at the end of the alley.
What if this man had turned out to be more than just the whistling looker...what if he was one of those power hungry hooting grabbers and feelers...would I be transfixed in my spot, or would I be able to outrun him. These are definitely those times
I wish I was carrying some mace or pepper spray or I'd actually taken those karate classes.

Bottomline...what exactly is it about biology and society, the natural and artificial envorionments that make men into eve teasers?...when did we last hear about "adam" teasers. Well maybe at your local Chip n Dale show (but that doesn't really count).


instead of being wary i've grown weary of such incidents. I've ignored them for the longest time but I finally had to ponder it out loud in my blog.


ugh! seems like there is a glitch in the hardwiring or the software's been corrupted.

I think I might have to call 'babe' support and find these men a solution.

Reminisce...

the first birthday candle I blew out
mom's unconditional love
her constant reminders to wash between the ears :P
dad's hawklike but nontheless loving eye on me
times i cried when I lost someone I love
my first heartbreak
my first snow fall
the time i fell off a yak in the mountains and landed up with its butt on my face
my dangerous rafting adventure
my grandma's kind eyes
my grandads infectious laughter
holding my precious dalmation pups
my debut in a homemade 'complan' video
my first kiss
my first orgasm
riding the bandra local
the cold sea mist against my face
the elated feeling of a new love
'bunking' lectures in JH
long phone conversations with old friends
the first moments when I tasted pani poori
tibbs frankies !!!
bear hugs and warm fuzzies
compliments from strangers
my 23 birthday surprises
sunday dhansaks
lagan nu bhonu
the scent of sandalwood and calm of an agyari
being scared of the dark
believing in santa claus and the tooth fairy
the devastation when I found out they don't 'exist' ..:P
the first time i tried pan with a special someone
being a kid and not having a care in the world
hugging my safety blankie when I was six
hugging my safety blankie when I'm twenty three
the day I discovered I could read
the time I realized I'm guilty of all seven sins
the empowering feeling of every succes
the humble realization of every failure
sand tickling my toes
hiding out in the safest place in the world when i did something bad
the agony of broken trust
the shame of breaking 'their' trust
my first real stage debut when i was seven
the one million four hundred and seventy eight moments in my life that have made me feel alive




hmmm I think I miss everyone...
but its good to smile and reminisce
passing memories through a mental prism
i love life for all those reasons

Relationships. A necessary evil?

This random piece of writing is inspired by a recent entry on a friend's blog. Frustrated and angry at that moment he used some caustic humor to call our attention to the follies of relationships and the boys/girls/men/women that get involved in them.

So I wondered (as I often have and I'm sure many of you have too)- Why are relationships so hard? Do we even need them?

Seems like every kind of relationship we have formed, in this era, needs work-- friends, lovers, parents, grandparents, uncles/aunts, roomates, siblings, children, professors, the office chaiwalla, the local deli owner even our enemies are pretty demanding of the hate-hate relationship we have going with them.

Why? was it always like this. Doesn't seem like that to me.

Marriges worked (or so it seemed), children revered and respected their parents, siblings were loved, grandparents were honored, children were applauded and our chaiwallas didn't dilute our tea. Divorces were a tabboo and affairs were kept secret. Children were told they had to love and respect their elders.

As time progresses, people get busier, more ambitious, and more selfish their needs and expectations increase without the realization that they are asking for too much and giving too little in return. After all relationships are a give-give situation (in most cases) not a give-take (expect for most mommies coz I think a mother's love is unconditional).

In this fast paced, instantaneous world where we look for quick fix solutions from the common cold to food to mental disorders and marriages and relationships we are losing the will, time, patience and energy to keep trying.

So? So what now? So now what? Who knows...I say keep going at it. For the tough times in a relationship there are exponentially happy and comforting times. I don't think there ever can be a good enough, satisfying quick fix solution for our need for companionship.

At the end of the day that's what we seek out in some way or the other to soothe our souls...after all no man is an Island no?

guess we need eachother and the necessary evils of relationships. Tee hee.

My first musings...

After months of procrastination in starting a blog I finally did it. Made the jump, took the leap, hopped onto the free ride. This blog was supposed to be a July baby (just like me!) but alas the thoughts decided to marinate in the womb of my mind for a few more months before I got the final push from a friend who suggested "hey why don't you start a blog too." So I finally did; after some thoughtful labor emerged my baby blog. It's new, its innocent, its fresh. It's still got a long journey ahead of it- it will be filled with laughter and sorrow, randomness and specifics, nothing and everything.
I wanted to start the blog this July because it was another new beginning in my life ...I was moving into a new city, a new job, new people. Leaving behind the familiar comfort of places and people whom i had grown with in the past few years. Suddenly this July I found myself all alone and the blog was supposed to be a way for me to pen down the barrage of thoughts that were going through my head every minute of the day. Alas it didn't happen then and maybe that's a good thing. Because I'm in a happier place now, than I was back in July. It would have made all my writings sound ranty and bitter and depressingly philosophical.
I made an exciting new beginning in July and all was going well except in my confused head and heart. I didn't fully enjoy everything coming my way becuase I was too self absorbed in my self created misery, wrapped up in my delicate emotional bubble. Things are better now- not 'purrfect', not resolved, the cycles come and go but you take it as it comes and tell yourself to smile till that silly face just takes over and you're strumming your fingers on an air guitar and humming a tune as you race through the bustle of Grand Central to make your local.
I'm content after a good home cooked meal (where I almost set the kitchen on fire ) and I smile... la di da la di da...here's to another manic Monday. Achoooooooo!

I'm finally a blogger !

So i'm a few technological light years behind when it comes to matters of the web and I just hopped onto this strange, colourful and infinite merry-go-round called 'blogging' . Well so here I am, better late than never. Making my manic thoughts, my clumsy mistakes and my 'naive' nonetheless interesting musings accessible to friends and strangers. Sigh ! So Welcome me i'm finally here.